INT. SUGAR SHACK (1969)
Despite financial setbacks, Dana opens the Sugar Shack for
the 1969 tourist season featuring rOCK BANDS, topless GO-GO
GIRLS and later BURLESQUE acts.
DANA (V.O.)
With help from my grandparents and
a lot of hard work, the Sugar Shack
opened on time in the spring of
1969. I found the best rock bands
and the most beautiful topless
Go-Go Girls available. For the
first time the Sugar Shack stayed
open all winter on weekends. With
business booming promoters were
suggesting that I take the next
logical entertainment step and book
exotic acts.
Dana is on the phone in her office talking to a PROMOTER.
PROMOTER
Don't overlook your market. An
important part of your regular
audience are people coming from the
Playboy resort. You know what they
want to see.
DANA
Sure, they come from the Playboy
Club wanting to see some skin, but
you have to understand I always
promised myself that my club would
be run with the same high standards
that I was exposed to as a Playboy
Bunny in Chicago. The thought of
showcasing strippers just doesn't
sit well with me.
PROMOTER
Dana, you can present an exotic act
in a tasteful and classy manner. It
can be what you make of it. Let's
face facts, you have to please your
audience.
DANA
I know you're right, let's give it
a try. So, tell me more about this
LOLITA act.
DANA (V.O.)
I wasn't happy about the prospect
of presenting strippers and I'm
sure Sister Angelica, my fourth
grade teacher, was turning over in
her grave at the thought, but I
went ahead and booked the Sugar
Shack's first exotic act. As things
turned out with the burlesque acts,
the topless Go-Go Girls showed more
skin than the strippers who only
went down to a G-string and
pasties. I was sitting in my office
the day Lolita arrived.
EXT. SUGAR SHACK - DAY
An old rundown SCHOOL BUS is driving along Highway H
lumbering toward the SUGAR SHACK.
It pulls into the PARKING LOT sputtering, steaming, and
dripping oil.
Its body is banged up and hand-painted in a collage of '70's
psychedelic colors.
Dana walks out to see what has invaded her parking lot.
The lady that emerged from the bus looked about as much like
a stripper as did Dana's grandmother.
LOLITA
Hi, honey, nice place ya got here.
Her HUSBAND is with her. They invite Dana to come inside and
see their bus.
Approaching the door she hears strange NOISES which don't
seem to bother Lolita and her husband.
The interior is dirty and smells like a barn.
A series of stacked wooden crates serves as their bed.
A tiny PONY is penned in by a homemade stall a few feet
further back.
Toward the back of the bus is an assortment of cages
containing rats, snakes, birds, and rabbits.
Dana has seen enough and backs away.
LOLITA
(continuing)
Oh, listen, this isn't some weird
scene or anything. Didn't my agent
tell you, I use them in my act.
Really, you'll love them.
DANA
Look, I'm not sure I like the idea
of you bringing snakes into my
club.
LOLITA
Well, I've used them throughout my
whole career, it makes for a great
act! If you don't like it though,
I'll change, but I'm sure you're
going to adore it.
INT. SUGAR SHACK - EARLY EVENING
Arriving with just an hour before show time, Lolita and her
husband begin preparations for her act.
The EXOTIC ACT, as a publicity draw, does its job and the
Sugar Shack is packed with enthusiastic fans.
FANS
We want Lolita...we want
Lolita...we want Lolita...
Darryl turns to Dana.
DARRYL
You know, I think this stripper
thing is going to work. Let's get
more booked right away.
Lolita's husband walks throughout the crowd with a KINKAJOU,
a furry little wolverine that is willing to perch on
anyone's shoulder.
Lolita, five-feet tall with a 38-inch chest, begins her act
and uses the various animals that her husband brings out
into the auditorium.
At the end of her act, her husband placed a basket on stage.
With a subtle signal, the LIGHTS are dimmed.
Down to her G-string and bra, she reaches into the basket
and pulls out a 12-foot PYTHON.
When she turns around her breasts are bare and the python is
seductively surrounding them.
A man sitting near the stage is startled, gets up, and moves
back quickly scattering chairs and patrons along the way.
Women are screaming and things become chaotic.
Just then Lolita picks the snake up over her head and starts
SPINNING.
Dana hears loud smacking sounds against the wall.
The snake is expelling FECAL PELLETS and people sitting near
the stage are getting splattered.
The song ends, the snake goes back in the basket, and Lolita
exits stage left.
Dana is right behind her, fuming.
DANA
What the hell was that all about?
LOLITA
I am so sorry. He's never ever done
that before. He just ate after not
eating for the longest time. I had
no idea that would ever happen. My
husband will put things back in
order right away.
Her husband is out in the crowd apologizing to the people
who were affected by the snake's untimely defecation.
Just then Darryl turns to Dana sensing she's upset and
hoping to calm her down.
DARRYL
You know Dana, guys will take a
lotta shit just to see a couple of
great tits!
Dana just shakes her head while cracking a faint smile.
Unsure if the public would come out the next night to see
the strippers, Dana ends up turning 50 people away at the
door.
Lolita is followed by SALLY RAND, CHESTY MORGAN, and others.
Strippers were a sound business decision, but Dana is upset,
feeling her moral standards are dropping.
EXT. ELKHORN STRIP CLUB - EVENING
Another strip club opens in nearby Elkhorn, Wisconsin.
Dana and Darryl go to check out their competition.
They slip in and sit in the back.
While there, an old farmer slips out of his coveralls, jumps
on the stage, pins down the stripper, and starts sucking on
her BREASTS.
With that Dana and Darryl leave aghast.
DANA
Darryl, if that's what we have to
do to stay in business, I'm putting
the Sugar Shack up for sale.
DARRYL
I understand how you feel but even
with the strippers business is slow
and we've got to find a way to pay
our bills.
DANA
Darryl, I've got an idea.
DARRYL
Yeah, what is it?
DANA
I'm going on the road, as far away
from here as possible and get a job
as a stripper. I'll put an act
together from bits and pieces of
all the bimbos we've hired. I'm
younger and prettier than most of
the babes we've seen on our stage.
I know I can make good money as an
feature act. I just know it.
DARRYL
It's worth a try!
The next day Dana calls her booking agent.
DANA
Hal, I know you're not going to
believe me, but I want you to book
me as an exotic act, but not
anywhere near Lake Geneva. Can you
do that for me?
AGENT
Dana, all you ever do is complain
about the acts I send you, now you
want to become one of them? Are you
serious?
DANA
Just do it and don't ask anymore
questions.
Dana decides to earn extra money as a burlesque act.
DANA (V.O.)
I came up with an idea for an
exotic feature act, designed my own
costume and props, rehearsed and
waited for my agent to call back. A
few days later he had me booked in
Minnesota for a week at $500. All
of a sudden I got cold feet. How
was I going to get up in front of a
group of strangers and take off my
clothes. What would Granny say?
When I was a Playboy Bunny I turned
down an offer to pose for a
centerfold. I just knew I couldn't
go through with it, so I called my
agent and canceled. I continued
booking exotic acts until one day a
friend of mine on the police force
came by to see me.
INT. SUGAR SHACK - DANA'S OFFICE - AFTERNOON
Dana is sitting in her office when the phone rings.
OFFICER
Dana, I'm afraid I've got some bad
news for you.
DANA
What is it, John?
OFFICER
You know that club in Elkhorn, they
want to close it down because of
the things that go on there.
They've got to put some heat on you
so their actions don't look
prejudicial. They've got a hard-on
for you for some reason and the
Sugar Shack is scheduled for a
raid.
DANA
But for what? I know the rules.
There isn't a thing that I could
get pinched for, not a single
thing!
OFFICER
They'll bust you and do it legally.
They'll get you if they try hard
enough, believe me.
DANA (V.O.)
I knew he was serious and probably
right about them finding something
to bust me on. I took apart
everything that was going on at the
club. I warned the staff to expect
undercover cops looking for
violations. The Fourth of July
weekend was coming. MORGANNA, The
Kissing Bandit, was booked to
highlight the holiday week. She was
supposedly talented, beautiful, and
famous, or should I say, infamous.
She had a reputation for being
arrested for streaking at
high-profile sporting events; an
effective gimmick for generating
thousands of dollars worth of free
publicity. When I learned this
about Morganna I started to worry.
From the moment she pulled into the
driveway we were at odds.
INT. SUGAR SHACK
In the office, Dana is briefing Morganna about the potential
problems with the police.
DANA
Morganna, this is a big weekend for
us. The crowd can sometimes get out
of hand, but I need to you stay
calm and don't do anything outside
the bounds of what's accepted in
our county. We're being targeted
for a raid and there will probably
be undercover police attending one
or more of your shows. Just
remember, no contact is allowed
between you and the customers, nor
can you simulate anything like a
sex act.
All Morganna can think of is how great it is to have another
chance to get arrested and make headlines for doing
something sensational.
MORGANNA
What can I do to help this happen?
DANA
No, you don't understand. I don't
want you to get arrested. I'm not
looking for any publicity.
MORGANNA
You know, I've been busted all over
the country for my snake bit. Wait
'till you see it!
DANA
Morganna, listen, you can't do your
snake routine and remember, you
can't touch the customers. I'm
serious now, are you listening.
MORGANNA
Well, alright, but it isn't going
to be much of a show if I can't
have a little fun on stage. On the
Fourth of July, though, you have to
let me do something special.
DANA
Well, we'll have to talk about
that. For now, just stay out of
trouble. Your first show starts in
two hours. Remember what I told
you.
DANA (V.O.)
Her first few performances went
without incident. She pushed the
envelope but basically stayed
within my rules. Then I got another
call from my friend on the police
force.
Dana is in her office when the phone rings and she picks up.
OFFICER
They're gonna try to bust you this
weekend, Dana. Be careful.
Undercover officers have already
been in you club a couple of times,
but you're hard to nail. You're
running a tight ship there, but
this is no time to ease up.
DANA
Thanks again, we'll be ready.
Just as Dana hangs up the phone, Morganna walks in.
Dana decides not to inform her that the raid is on for the
weekend for fear of tempting her to do something risky.
MORGANNA
Dana, the Fourth of July weekend
starts tomorrow. How about letting
me use the snake during the show?
DANA
Morganna, if that snake makes an
appearance on stage I will
personally grab the fuckin' thing
and stick it right up your ass! I'm
not going to take a chance on
getting busted so you can have some
cheap publicity. Don't fuck with me
Morganna, I mean it!
The next night the Sugar Shack is ready to help a full house
celebrate the FOURTH OF JULY holiday weekend.
Backstage Dana confronts Morganna.
DANA
(continuing)
I want a clean simple show tonight,
Morganna. I have my reasons for
saying it, but just know that it's
important. You must be very careful
tonight.
Dana goes to the door and looks over each customer trying to
spot the undercover COPS.
Then three BIKER types come in.
They make Dana nervous because of their reputation for being
rowdy and causing trouble.
Dana confronts them.
DANA
(continuing)
Listen, I'm not going to tolerate
any loud nonsense or trouble from
you guys!
BIKER #1
Hey lady, we want to see this
broad, Morganna, nobody's giving
you no shit, so stop fucking with
us.
DANA
Go sit down and behave yourselves.
That's all the shit I'm giving you.
Dana keeps her eyes on the bikers and on Morganna, to make
sure she doesn't get out of hand.
The bikers are sitting close to the stage but are behaving
themselves.
During the first few songs Morganna is staying within the
boundaries Dana set for her, but then she starts bending
over at the edge of the stage and dangling her full rounded
pendulous BREASTS directly over the heads of the three
bikers.
Dana rushes to the stage to order Morganna back.
Just as she gets there Morganna buries her breasts in the
face of one of the bikers.
At the moment of contact all three bikers get up, wave their
badges, and snap handcuffs on Morganna, Dana, and the other
dancers.
BIKER #1
Vice, police, vice, this club is
closed, everyone leave quietly.
(turning to Dana)
You're under arrest Miss Montana.
DANA
It figures it would be you guys.
The only ones in the whole joint I
would have sworn weren't cops.
BIKER #2
Have your dancers get dressed.
EXT. SUGAR SHACK - PARKING LOT
They lead Dana and the DANCERS in HANDCUFFS to the SQUAD
CARS covering the parking lot.
Shortwave radio traffic agitates the quiet countryside
night.
Red, white, and blue spinning squad lights transform the
parking lot into a kind of UFO landing strip.
People are scattering everywhere, customers rushing to get
in their cars and not get tangled in the legal confusion.
INT. SQUAD CAR
Dana and Morganna are sitting in the back of a squad car.
DANA
Well, are you happy now?
MORGANNA
Isn't this fantastic. I hope they
tipped off the press about this!
EXT. COUNTY JAIL
Darryl comes up with $2,000 to bail Dana and the dancers out
of jail.
Dana is frantic and angry.
Dana gets into the car with Darryl.
DANA
We've got to get the club back open
as soon as possible. First thing
tomorrow we'll go to Milwaukee and
talk to an attorney.
INT. ATTORNEY'S OFFICE - MORNING
ATTORNEY
From what you've told me, Miss
Montana, the charges don't amount
to much. I wouldn't worry if I were
you. I'll file an injunction to
reopen the club pending trial.
DANA
That's a relief to hear. You really
think things will work out?
ATTORNEY
It's really a rather elementary
legal problem, but before I can
begin defending you I'll need a
$5,000 retainer. After that we'll
have to see just how many hours are
involved, but it shouldn't be too
much.
DANA (V.O.)
Somehow I managed to come up with
the retainer and the club was
reopened, but before the case went
to trial my lawyer called to say he
was leaving private practice and
joining the district attorney's
office. So, there I was, out $5,000
and my case wasn't settled yet.
Then, my friend on the force came
through again.
INT. SUGAR SHACK
Dana gets a call in her office.
DANA
Hello.
OFFICER
I hear you lost your lawyer, the
guy who was handling the vice bust.
DANA
That's right, know any good
attorneys?
OFFICER
As a matter of fact, that's why I
called. There's a fella by the name
of JAY SCHWARTZ, a Racine attorney.
I hear he's as tough and as smart
as they come. Well, that's all.
Good luck, Dana.
DANA
Thanks!
Dana makes an appointment for a consultation with Jay
Schwartz and meets with him the next day.
INT. JAY SCHWARTZ - OFFICE
Dana is seated across from Jay Schwartz, a Jeff Chandler-
handsome young man just 30 years old.
JAY SCHWARTZ
I've looked through your case file
and, well, you've got five felony
counts against you, Dana.
DANA
I don't really understand all that
legal mumbo jumbo. Just give me the
bottom line.
Jay looks a little bewildered that Dana doesn't want more of
an explanation.
JAY SCHWARTZ
Let me distill things so you can
understand the situation you're in.
Jay starts tapping his fingers on the now closed file.
JAY SCHWARTZ
(continuing)
At 1-5 years for each of the five
felony count you are facing a
maximum sentence of 25 years.
DANA
In jail?!
JAY SCHWARTZ
Where'd you think, Dana, the
Bahamas?
DANA
I can't believe this, our judicial
system is a joke. The whole thing
is ridiculous and it's all been
blown way out of proportion. I'm
out thousands of dollars, nothing
has been settled, and I might still
go to jail. How completely unfair,
and for what? I haven't hurt
anyone!
JAY SCHWARTZ
Look, settle down little lady and
don't waste my time with your
speeches. Anyway, I'm the one who
gets paid to deliver speeches like
that in front of a judge and jury.
So, I'm really swamped with cases
right now, but I think you've been
jerked around by the system and I
sympathize. I will take your case
and I'll see that this whole thing
is settled for let's see, $500. Who
knows, if I get you off, as a
former Playboy Bunny maybe you can
get me a key to the Lake Geneva
club. Anyway, you write the check
and I'll set a trial date.
Relieved, Dana writes the check, hoping she can cover it,
and Jay sets a trial date.
The day of the trial arrives and Jay gives Dana a wake-up
call with strategy instructions.
INT. DANA'S HOUSE - MORNING
Dana is up drinking a morning coffee when the phone rings.
JAY SCHWARTZ
I'll pick you up in two hours. Be
ready and dress conservatively.
Begin right now to act and think
like a lady. If you say fuck once
today, I'll kill you!
Dana starts to ponder what to wear and how to make herself
up.
She tries on different outfits, but decides that a frumpy
conservative outfit just wouldn't be Dana Montana.
Instead she finds a stylish PANTS outfit--made of rust-brown
suede material featuring short, trendy hot pants.
Completing the outfit is a sleek matching waist-length cape
accented by a matching hat and high-heeled boots.
Jay pulls up to the house.
EXT. DANA'S HOUSE
Dana gets into Jay's car.
INT. JAY SCHWARTZ - CAR
JAY SCHWARTZ
What the hell do you have on? Do
you call that conservative? I said
conservative. You look like a
hooker pacing on Rush Street!
DANA
Jay, this is in. It's very vogue,
believe me.
JAY SCHWARTZ
You're going to be IN all right, IN
jail, that's where!
Dana makes a move to open the DOOR to go back in the house
to chance.
JAY SCHWARTZ
Get back in here, it's too late to
change.
Dana slams the door and they speed off, Jay squealing the
tires in disgust.
JAY SCHWARTZ
(continuing)
And you'll probably get another
charge thrown at you because of
that damn outfit.
DANA
For what?
JAY SCHWARTZ
For disturbing the peace, that's
what!
INT. COUNTY COURT HOUSE - DAY
The courthouse is uncharacteristically modern, with none of
the Gothic architecture usually associated with older
courtrooms. COURTROOM C was jammed.
People, mostly men, are even standing along the sidewalls.
Morganna is provocatively positioned right in the middle of
the group, flaunting her 48-double-D's in a low-cut
tight-fitting SWEATER.
Dana nods to her politely but really wants to strangle her
as she walks toward her seat.
DANA
(to herself)
Had I only strangled her when she
first started causing trouble, I
wouldn't be here today facing a
prison sentence for something she
did against my orders!
The proceedings start and the lawyers banter back and forth
with all the preliminary formalities.
The officers make statements and Jay cross-examines them.
Finally, Dana is called up to the stand.
She begins her long walk.
The crowd is silent.
Every eye is on her.
Each step is accented by a sharp STACCATO SOUND spike of her
heels impacting the cold hard marble courtroom floor.
DANA
(continuing; to herself)
Act like a lady...act like a
lady...act like a lady.
She reaches the gate and swings it open before sitting down.
She crosses her legs as demurely as possible and sits back
in the chair.
Jay notices that everyone's eyes are looking at her legs.
She looks at Jay and he glares back at her.
Jay scratches his head, plunges his fists into his pockets
and positions his microphone closer.
JAY SCHWARTZ
Your honor...I ask you...are those
the legs of a criminal?
The courtroom erupts with laughter.
Even the somber old judge has to let loose with a smirk.
Jay was determined and cleaver.
After considerable interplay between the prosecuting
attorney, Jay, and the judge, the charges are reduced and
Dana is ordered to pay a $200 fine.
JUDGE
Miss Montana, you have been found
guilty of three misdemeanor counts
of allowing obscenity in a public
place and fined $200. See the
bailiff. Case Closed.
The courtroom audience erupts with applause.
THE END OF DANCING STALLIONS - LIMITED TV SERIES - EPISODE
06
No comments:
Post a Comment